I’m 44. Today’s My First Birthday
Birthdays are meant to be a special day that celebrates an individual. I never really understood that notion since my mother and I shared April 11th. I was born the day she turned 31. She would have been 75 today.
As a child, birthdays made me very anxious. I remember running away during my 5th birthday because so many people were singing and I couldn’t handle the attention. I don’t remember much about the individual parties. My sense is that my parents focused on it being my birthday most of the years. My 9th is my sharpest memory. Mom threw a big bash in her own honor the year she turned 40. Many people came and I remember thinking that she was very popular. I don’t know whether I had a party that year. But I vividly recall hers.
My 11th is the only year I remember well. I took my friends to the see the movie HAIR at the Uptown Theater. From that point on I wanted to be Treat Williams. Until I saw Prince of the City.
During my teenage years, I would stumble down the steep stairs of my parents’ house to be greeted by “Happy Birthday sweetie!” Instead of “thank you” I responded, “Happy Birthday to you Mom.” This awareness of our shared special, individual day lead me to largely disengage from the birthday experience.
I never knew what to get my mother frequently buying her knives because the Holly Street cooking gear was always in such terrible shape. In retrospect, I might have been sending the wrong message. Once, after she leaned into kiss me and I ducked my head to elude the rusher, she asked me why I always turned away when she tried to kiss me. Just about the only time I’ve been speechless since I turned 18.
The whole idea of birthday gathering, gifts, parties etc really felt foreign to me. My wife, among others, was not amused. We’ve nearly divorced ever other year of our 15 together because of my failure to plan. At a certain point, it got so bad that her friends started suggesting events and gifts and stuff because they didn’t want to deal with the fallout of my negligence. At one point, I considered starting up a reminder company/app/service for irresponsible men ( it’s a large market), but then 15 ”birthday plays” were funded between August and September of 1999. It’s ok, I stuck with the fast growing website development business.
I had a great weekend with friends and family. Zengu —a tequilleria with lots of friends Saturday. Dinner with the nuclear family last night at Market Table following our first little league win of the season.
Then today, my Dad got me a real treat when he bought himself an 11 inch Macbook Air. No more PC support for me. Nina agreed to get me exactly what I wanted — a share of Knicks season tickets for the upcoming Championship 2011-12 season (or perhaps a lockout).
Meanwhile, there’s no awkward, perfunctory exchange of birthday pleasantries with my mother. Sometimes, even the uncomfortable moments are missed. Still, my(not our) first birthday was fun. Maybe next year, I’ll have a party.
